A Concern and Question

Hey Peipei-

Don’t know if you will respond to this or not, but I’m hoping. I’m a 22-year-old white girl, and I feel stuck, for I live in this small town in Oregon (Corvallis, and attending Oregon State University). I can’t live with out a beat, a rhythm—something I can move to, rock to, breathe to. For me, a good beat will give me a high, and I feel it completes part of who I am. I’ve always been drawn to hip hop, and my dance has always had a street feel to it… I also longboard, and similarly, it’s that connection with the earth that I crave. (I’m also probably one of just three serious female long boarders on this campus of 18,000 students).

I met a guy this year from Alabama who is a b-boy. When he introduced me to his style of breaking, I knew that that was what I was supposed to be doing, what I had been supposed to be doing my whole life, I just never knew specifically what it was. When I saw him dance, I felt like I had found part of me. For I also saw in b-boying (or b-girling) the attitude, the confidence, the mind set: “this is me, I do what I do, and that’s how it is.” And that is how I have always lived my life, and that is the only way I can live my life; and music and dance are the only ways that I can express who I am. That’s why I feel like my whole life I’ve always been a b-girl, I just didn’t know what to call it.



I feel like an outsider; I don’t fit in at this school, I don’t fit in anywhere. But I’m 22, and I’m scared I’m discovering breaking too late. I’m gonna push myself through this alone, because I don’t know anyone at this school, except for this one guy, with whom to jam with. But, it sucks doing this alone, cause I believe dance and music are supposed to be shared, they are at the heart of community—I just wish I had a community. I know there are things I can work on, like improving my upper body strength, tumbling… there are resources I can make use of here. I just, need… or hope… to hear what you would do in my situation. What did you do to motivate yourself, to have the courage to keep going, to find the strength to be your true self, and to accept yourself as who you are? I know my whole life I will have to prove myself, and my whole life I will have to fight sterotypes and being boxed in. My friends don’t understand how music and dance are such an integral part of my heart and my identity, and none of them share my passion for it, so I’m stuck doing it alone. Others only stereotype me as a serious student. People were shocked to find out that I was a longboarder, and are always even more surprised to find out that I can dance. They just assume that I can’t possibly have that interest because they only see the scholastic side of me, and very few know this b-girl side of me. Annnnddd, I feel like I’m supposed to go to grad school after I graduate, but all I really want to do right now is skate and dance---it’s all just a lot of shit. Hahaha. Oh gosh.



When I get down, I often listen to Lauryn Hill, she helps. But, I’m scared I’ve wasted so much of my life when I should have been dancing, when I should have been a b-girl. I’m scared I’ve found out, too late, a part of who I am. And I’m scared to lose it.



Thank you for reading this,



Mollie

Corvallis, Oregon

holmesmo@onid.orst.edu


MY RESPONSE:

mollie
this response is really quick, it's 130 am
i wll write more to you later but for now here's a
quick response

i'd like to post your letter an dmy response on my
website with yourpermission
i feel like other girls might want to know about your
feelings on this too

well i started when I was barely 24. Dos that make you
feel a little better?
Rokafella, one of the most amazing bgirls in the world
who lives in NY, was my inspiration, she was 23 when
she started and I met her when she was 28.
so you're waaaay ahead!!!!!

don't even trip
most of the bgirls tend to be a little older, since
breaking i feel is a more advance ddance form that we
are used to, growing up in jazz, modern, hip hop
choreography type dancing. etc.


the way i see it, you've got plenty of time.

i felt exactly the same way when i was 24 and started.
that I was a bgirl at heart from the minute i was
born. i started dancing in ciphers at the age of 1 in
diapers at my parents dinner parties!

there are bboy sin oregon, i dont' know off hand right
now but try to find some.
it seems you've got some leads....

start a break club in your school!!!

i long board a little tooo!!

who is the guy from alabama?!?!?

watch videos if there are not many bboys there!

find the good music, i'm busy at heck but i know there
are tons of lists online of bboy songs you should
know.

being an outsider is an idea of perception. if you
FEEL like an outsider, you will only make yourself an
outsider and that

Annabell Weimar from Tübingen, Germany

Hi Peppa,

There are a couple of photographs on your homepage which look very beautiful. I really love to support women with ambitions because, first of all, it is very hard to be assertive as a women(well, people do not support you in that) and, second, no matter with whom you mingle there are always much more boys who " do the jobs". As a teenager I used to organize Hip Hop Jams and later I organized HC Punk/ sXe concerts. It is the same there. I rarely met girls who would do graffiti, play the guitar on stage, do breakdancing, ...At my university many girls honestly want to become a rich guy´s housemaid.

They arealwaysy behind the scenes. Most of the time they do these activities at their own palces, at home.
It seeems to me that women , quite often, do not know how to deal with people watching and criticizing them.

Why? 1) Because we are missinglackingn role models and do not know how to "sell" themselves
2)There are women/men who would become jealous instead of backing them; envy is poison toambitionn.
3) Women do not have professionalnetworkss. They have to go things alone. I am grateful that you have a homepage on the web. You do a lot for feminism. Thequalitiess of abreakdancerr are positive: self- assertive, disciplined, artistic, creative, healthy(well, I do not know how your bones are doing)-commitmentt. Commitment to yourself , not to a guy.

Letter from Amber in Recife, Brazil

Here's is a mail from Amber from Recife, Brazil, it's good to know that ladies so far away are being blessed by hip hop and breakin.



Hello Peppa,

This is Amber writing you from Recife, Brazil. Here I'm known as B.Girl
Berinha. I'm actually canadian, but I've been living in Brazil for
three years and I've made my home here with my husband Sérgio who is from
Recife.

I'm mostly writing to let you know that your videos and words that I have encountered on-line have been a wicked inspiration.

Here in Recife as well as the rest of Brazil, as I'm sure your aware of, Hip Hop is a very serious thing and is considered a social/political/cultural movement that can be used a tool to transform society. Its a way to bring information to the huge perifery that exists and a way for them to protest, espress and talk about their realities. Youth living in the favelas (shantytowns, ghettos) of the big cities really relate to Hip Hop
culture and it's a huge mobilizer.

I'm part of an all girl crew called Rosas Urbanas Crew. Its made up of
a bunch of ladies who decided to get together to share ideas and
strengthen the small representation of females in Hip Hop here. We have ladies
practicing all 5 elements. On the B.Girl side of things, we have really
grown. Lots of little girls and teens in the hood have began to train
the art of B-girling, and let me tell you, this is a very revolutionary
thing.

Unfortunately in this northeastern, Brazilian society, women still
suffer much repression despite the cliché of the "hot Brazilian samba dancer".
In the media, women are portrayed as these sexually liberated
free-spirits. But in reality, women get paid less, are less-educated and often carry the burden of taking care of the homes as well as work and often as single
moms. AND they are under the pressure to be beautiful and available for men.

We work on all sorts of things through break dancing, from basic values
like respect and humility, to how to work in groups and trust eachother. As
most of the girls are afro-descendant, we enter into the question of ethnic
identity which mostly manifest itself through HAIR issues. The Black
Power movement here was quite weak, and in the favela communities, big fros
are seen as dirty and criminal. So we're workin on doing away with the term
"bad hair' and encouraging the girls to accept themselves for who they are
and be the best they can be.

Its a familiar story for you I'm sure. I just wanted to pass on this
info to you. What has been available online has been wonderful for us on this
end.

If you'd like to know more, our venezuelan friend shiver translated
some of our info and its on-line (funny english, but you'll get the point!)

http://rockonloc.bizhat.com/rosasurbanasrecife.htm


Peace, amber